Comfort in the depths

Something I find comfort in while rotting in the depths of my depression, is making my way back to the things I enjoyed as a child or teen. I would say that they bring me back to a time when life was simpler and made more sense, but I don’t feel that way at all about my childhood. Life has never been simple and has quite literally never made sense. But when I was younger I found joy in the most simple of things. I guess I still do.

The things that I have found my way back to, include watching the cartoons I use to watch in the morning on the classic PBS Kids (Disney Channel for those of us who didn’t have cable!)

This morning, before work, as I was sitting on my couch, I decided that I wanted to enjoy some cartoons like I use to. I turned on CyberChase and the memories came rushing back. CyberChase was one of my favorite shows along with Clifford, Arthur, Maya & Miguel, Fetch with Ruff Ruffman and soooo many more. It was nice to have something like that on in the background as I went about my adult chores.

Life can be overwhelming, so returning to the simplicities of the past can be the calm you are looking for.

I have found that sometimes though, returning to the things I enjoyed as a kid leaves me even more sad. It can remind me of a time when I was not so aware of the workings of life and the world. A time when ignorance meant a little bit more bliss.

But if you ask me if I would like to go back in time, I will always say no. I am proud of how far I have come in my life. I am proud of who I am as a person. I am an adult that I would have looked up to as a child.

Although I deal with this b**ch called depression, I am still happy with my life. Depression is in the chemical makeup of my brain. But the happiness and contentment I find in my life today is something I have created along the way.