As a chronic people pleaser the thought that someone is angry with me is almost unbearable. I have spent my whole life doing everything I can to avoid it and in the process have compromised my own convictions and opinions. Now as an adult I am doing my best to get away from that. I am no longer willing to do whatever it takes to keep people happy. I will no longer agree just to keep the peace. I have my own thoughts and my own beliefs and my own knowledge and I will not let them be lost in the sea of others just to prevent a storm.
I have many differing values and thoughts than those around me. And most of my life I have let them say whatever they want and instead of standing up for my own views I have stayed quiet. I was avoiding the inevitable confrontation. I was afraid of them being mad at me. I didn’t want to feel the guilt that would come with it. As I get older I still obviously would prefer if people were happy with me but I am getting more and more comfortable with expressing myself knowing that I may be met with anger.
As a child I did not shy away from confrontation. I rather thrived on it. Growing up I saw that as a negative attribute so I worked really hard at not being that way but I think I fell off the other side. The side of avoiding it to the point of letting people walk all over me. I feel like letting anyone say anything especially if I do not agree with it is perceived as silently agreeing and I am not okay with that. I have never been okay with that but I was not secure enough in myself to challenge anything. I am now. I am strong enough to let my true thoughts and feelings known. Even if that means that someone or everyone will be mad at me. I have to be okay with that. I have to be okay with being uncomfortable so that I can become comfortable.
Living it Up Halfheartedly 