I recently got a burst of bravery and ambition which led to me scheduling all the medical appointments and tests that my cardiologist had ordered. Am I stressed? Absolutely, but at least I am being an adult and doing what is required of me as someone with chronic illness. As you most likely know I don’t like thinking or talking about my congenital heart disease and try to avoid the topic at all costs. I am slowly and continuously learning that being proactive is far better than having to be reactive, especially when it comes to my health. As much as I try to deny and run from my reality I can’t and will never be able to get away from it.
I had a stress test about two weeks ago and in a little less than a month I have a liver and abdomen MRI. January is my Cardiologist 6 month follow up and my first Hepatology consultation. And to finish these wonderful events off is my Cardiac MRI in May.
So many things to look forward to…I am being sarcastic obviously. 🙂
The stress test was ironically the least stressful for me. Besides the fact I was getting over a little cold I was somewhat looking forward to it. I made it a little competition to do better than my previous test. The last test I did was a few years ago and I was still dealing with the fear of tachycardia as well as the fact that my health had declined quite a bit. Going into the test I decided to push myself to the limit, as you are supposed to, and not be afraid of what my heart may or may not do. It payed off because I exercised longer than last time and even without hearing the results yet I know I did so much better than last time!
I will be honest, the appointment I am most nervous about is Hepatology. It will be my first time seeing them and to be honest anything with my liver kind of freaks me out because of all the meds I have been on my whole life. Last time I got an ultrasound of my liver was in 2017 and they had mentions some scarring which apparently is normal for someone who has been taking medication for as long as I have. I am hoping that with a change in diet and getting healthier overall I have improved it somewhat. At the very least I will take no change.
The amount of stress that I get from dealing with all of this on top of normal life stuff is actually crazy. It is overwhelming…hence waiting until the last minute to schedule mandatory appointments.
The true fear that underlines all of these appointments and tests is that things are not as good as they seem. That is what truly makes these things so difficult. But like I said prevention is the best option.
Another random, okay maybe not random thing to add, when I was making my hepatology appointment the person that was scheduling was reviewing the details of my referral and said the words, “heart failure” which I guess technically is true of my situation it is just not the best thing to hear. That statement messed with my mind a bit. I even hesitated after she asked the question because I was caught so off guard and did not know how to answer for a second. So, this is a PSA for anyone who may have a job in medical scheduling…please don’t do that. Even if those exact words are on the report it may not be such a great thing to say aloud.
Just the other day I was thinking that I did not need therapy for my medical trauma…I was wrong.
I hope you all have a great day or night whenever you may be reading this!
Talk to you later!
In the meantime follow me on Instagram if you want @livingituphalfheartedly
Living it Up Halfheartedly 