There is a song by a band called 5 Seconds of Summer, called Bleach. In that beautiful masterpiece of a song there is a line that has resonated with me for many many months. Okay, many lines that have resonated. Anyway, the line says, “Bleaching my hair just to get away.” I truly feel that in my soul. Yes, I do actually bleach my hair when I am feeling the need to escape or make a change. But, I think this is a lot deeper than that. It is speaking to the overwhelming need to find something that is within your control to change when you are in the midst of many things that are our of your control and may not be going the way you would like. I really relied on this song specifically and really their whole album last fall when I was spiraling into the deepest darkest cave of my depression. It was one of the things that was there to aid me in finding my way back.
Another line from the same song really lays it all out leaving nothing to interpretation, “It’s so hard to watch everything I want spinning down the drain.” This summed up 2022 for me. Everything that I had worked so hard to get, not just monetarily but emotionally and mentally was essentially taken away and metaphorically washed down the drain. I cried every time I listened to this song. And I listened to it a lot. My life has changed for the better since then, although I am no where near who I was before. I am slowly working toward becoming her or maybe an even better version. I am grateful to have gotten this far.
Living it Up Halfheartedly 