I started journaling because I was homeschooled and it was something my mom had my sister and I do as part of our school work. Well, I got addicted. I have kept a journal since I was thirteen. That is over ten years of my life and thoughts documented. With a few gaps in between:) I am going to be honest for a while my goal and dream for my journals was to have them be found a hundred years after I am gone and that someone would read them and be able to relate. I still hope that someday that happens. But now my journaling is more to process my deepest thoughts. It is a way to handle the hard things in life. Or to remember the good things. I love writing this blog and I share quite a bit on here but my journal is for things I am not quite ready to share publicly or things that I just don’t want to share.
A few weeks ago I sat on my bed and read through all the journals I could find. I learned a lot about younger Kaylie. Although I have changed quite a bit I still think that my mind is the same. Sure some of my ideas, goals, dreams and opinions have changed but aren’t they supposed to? That is growth. I think my heart and soul are still the same. I am still the open-minded, adventurous, creative, deep thinking person I have always been.
Anyway I am writing this because it was an encouragement to me to see how far I have come. How much I have matured and grown. It helps me hold onto my current dreams and goals. It shows me that anything is possible. It shows me that I am moving forward and always growing even when it may not feel like it.
Just now I was going through my gratitude journal that I started in November of 2022, in the thick of my depression. It honestly made me cry. I could see my hopelessness and discouragement on the pages. I could see the days I was not barely hanging on but I could also see the days I was getting back on my feet, the days I was able to see the silver lining. Keeping that journal made me want to start writing in my regular journal again. I had stopped writing in it because I felt like every page would be filled with negativity. And it may be for a while but I decided that was okay as long as it was helping me. If I needed to write those thoughts and feelings down in order to process them and move on then that was exactly what I was going to do. And honestly I don’t regret it. Is it something that I will want to go back and read all the time? No. But it will be something that I can look back on and see how far I have come just like those journals from years ago.
Journaling has helped me process big questions in my life. I has helped me when I needed someone to talk to but didn’t want to burden others with my thoughts. Journaling has always been my therapy. It has also shown me my love for writing and encouraged me to pursue it. It is what made me want to write books. It is the reason I am in the process of writing my first novel!
I have always looked up to people that are able to string together a beautiful line of words. I have always wanted to be one of those people. Maybe some day. For now I am going to keep writing anything and everything I can think of. I am going to get better and better and someday be one of those people that others can’t wait to read.
Living it Up Halfheartedly 