Random Ramblings

I am writing a book…technically I have three in progress. I recently decided to stick to just one because I really want to finish one and get it published. I was really excited about it and I was writing like crazy. Then the other night I was writing and for some reason I was in a major editing mood and felt like there were plot holes and I just wasn’t really happy with certain parts in the story. That is when I make the stupid decision to press the delete button. No, I did not delete the whole thing but I did delete and attempt to rewrite a bunch. I am kind of disappointed in myself for doing that but oh well. Anyway, now I am having a hard time opening it pack up and writing anymore. One because I am not sure where I want the story to go and two, because I have not figured out how to resolve the plot holes.

Another reason I am pretty sure I have not wanted to write in awhile, at least write my books, is because I got my first rejection letter from a publisher. Did I think that they would probably reject it? Yes. Was I mentally preparing for rejection? Yes. But it still was disappointing. I know I have to move on. It was ONE rejection from the FIRST publisher I sent it to and it is not a complete manuscript, which the certain publisher does except, but it was still a definite disappointment. I tried not to get ahead of myself when I sent it in but I could totally picture myself as a published author and was imagining all the things I would be able to do. Oh well, it will happen…sometime. I have to be patient…and FINISH a manuscript. I am just so ready for my life to look the way I have imagined it. I usually am a patient person but it is getting harder and harder to wait my turn. On top of everything else I am dealing with…I just want something to work out. I feel like I am in a constant loosing game. I know that is not true and I am trying my hardest to be positive. I am desperately trying to keep my positive mindset and a glass-half-full perspective. I am just more than ready for it to manifest goodness into my life and my circumstances.

It is exhausting to be positive when everything around you is trying it’s hardest to bring you down.

I keep going back and forth between trying to combat negativity and my less then ideal circumstances and letting myself rest. I know rest is important but I feel like if I rest too long I get pulled so far into my depression that it is dangerous. I know I probably need professional help but…maybe sometime.