Brain Dump

I have gotten more and more comfortable coming on here and writing any thought that is in my head. This blog has become more of my public journal than anything. I am proud of myself for putting myself out there and sharing my thoughts with the world. Being vulnerable and opening myself up to potential criticism is the hardest thing for me to do as I know it is for most of you as well. This blog has become my way of getting my thoughts out so that I can process them and move on. It has helped me so much and I am excited for it to continue. I may not always have inspiration to write but I definitely try and will keep trying. This has become almost therapeutic for me. I have had a lot of things going on in my life and a lot of thoughts and decisions rolling around in my brain so I am grateful for an outlet to release them.

I have been under extra stress these last two weeks with the changes at my job. I have also been stressing over the decision of wether to stay at this job or to move on. I decided the beginning of this week that I would make a video of my thoughts and feelings after each day. That has been so helpful to me. It has shown me an angle of myself that I would not have been able to see otherwise. It has also confirmed a few things that I have been thinking were true for a long time.

Today at work I learned that one of the people I am closest too has put in their two weeks notice. On one hand I am happy for them because I know this is the best thing for their mental health and I believe that is the most important thing but…on the other hand I am of course sad to see them go. Yes we will still be friends and I am sure we will still talk every once in awhile but it will not be the same. Of course change is okay and it is GOOD. But it is still HARD. My company has recently been taken over by another company so we are in the process of learning all new things. I was extremely stressed before the process began as well as the first few days but with the help of their team I was put at ease. But now with their team gone I almost feel like a fish out of water. Deep down I know that I know what I am doing and of course it will take time to master everything as it takes time to master ANYTHING. I am still torn about what to do…do I stay…or do I go? I have started the process of getting a different job. I am just working on getting an interview set up. This other job would be a complete change from what I am doing now but like I said before…change is good. I am just…confused. I hate making life decisions. My fear of failure comes into ruin the party. I am always afraid I am going to make the “wrong” decision even though in this situation I am not sure there is a “wrong” decision.