Insomnia

It is almost midnight and I should be sleeping but thanks to insomnia I am sitting in my bed still on my computer. This has been my life for years as I am sure it has been some of yours as well. Even when I know my alarm with sound in just a few hours my brain will not let me be. A million thoughts swirling inside my brain. When I was younger my insomnia was due to anxiety, but now as I get older I know how to push those anxious thoughts away. My insomnia now is strictly because I don’t want to miss out on the little bit of free time I have all to myself. I recently heard the phrase “revenge insomnia.” I am 100% positive that is what I have. I don’t get to do the things or think about the things I want during the day so I stay awake late into the night essentially “recharging” myself.

The world is silent and still, only the twinkling stars are there to keep me company. Night time is the best time to stop and be still for a few minutes or even hours with nothing to distract me. It is finally quiet enough to hear my own thoughts. A perfect time to reflect on my life. Past, present, and future. I can stare into the darkness and transport myself to another world. A world without the constant stresses of life. I can lay on my bed with the soft glow of my flowered string lights and the soothing sound of music in the background just staring at the ceiling, wondering…