Trapped

Lately I have felt trapped, trapped in a job I don’t like and a life I want to change. As soon as I think about going to work I feel the fight or flight bubble up inside of me. I feel like a small animal trapped inside a dark shoebox with no holes to let me breath. I want to change my life so bad, with all my being. I live for my day off…my day of freedom where I can be in charge of my time…my decisions….when I can be authentically me. I know I must work to live but I feel like I am living to work and that feels wrong. We are supposed to enjoy life. We are supposed to be excited to wake up everyday and see the beautiful blue sky and hear the birds chirp. But honestly I dread waking up…I dread getting ready for the day. I am sure you to have felt that way at some point in your life. What did you do to get out of it? To get your self out the box? I want to change my life but I don’t know how. Is it a new job? A new town? A new country? I don’t know what to do. I just need to get OUT. I feel like I am suffocating. The stress of life that is weighing me down lately is almost overwhelming. I feel like I am at a the point where I have to choose between my job or myself. Obviously I should choose myself…right? If I was talking to any other human on this planet I would say ABSOLUTELY choose yourself. But why does it seem so much more complicated when it is your life? Is that where I start? Does changing my life start with this? Quitting my job. That is all it is right? A job. There are others. Honestly the thought of quitting makes me feel like a load is lifted off my shoulders and the thought of applying to other jobs doesn’t sound that bad. So is that what I am supposed to do? Is that my answer? Quit my job…

I just looked back at one of my recent posts and damn I really know how to make myself think. I am right this is MY life, MY story and I don’t need to let anyone else have an opinion on how I write it. I decide who I am and what I want. If I want to quit my job to stable my mental health then HELL I am going to do it! Never let anyone tell you how to live your life. Remember you are the best writer for your own story. If you weren’t God wouldn’t have given you the pen!