2020

2020…where do I start? You were a hell of a year. I experienced things I never could have predicted. I started the year downtown with my sister and a hundred strangers laughing and singing to dueling pianos in bar/coffee shop with people dancing on the counter dressed in beaded dresses from the 1920’s. It was my first time going out for New Year’s Eve! I loved it! It was the perfect way to ring in the new decade. A few minutes before midnight we bundled up and gathered outside in the bitter cold waiting for the mini ball drop that out town does every new year. Couples cuddled together looking forward to the New Year’s kiss that they had dreamed about since they were kids. My sister and I laughed as we realized that our cute outfits were not the best for winter in Michigan. The count down started, excitement filled the air. 10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1. The ball dropped. 2020 was here. The year many of us had dreamed about, little did we know what it would bring….

January started with the fires in Australia. A horrible…disaster. Then came the threat of COVID-19 the virus that had made its way across the ocean to our shores. Masks, toilet paper shortage, social distancing, quarantine. If you asked me in 2019 what I thought would happen in 2020 none of the above would have been on my list. I started quarantine on March 13, 2020. I wasn’t sure how it would be. Quarantine was something in movies and books…not real life. I was considered high risk because of my heart condition so I stayed home for a whole month. The only human interaction I had was with my family. Mom, Dad, sister, and brother. Looking back I am very grateful I still lived with my parents. I am someone that likes my alone time but I can’t be alone for too long otherwise I go a little crazy:) During quarantine I learned that I am pretty good at painting. I painted a lot. I also watched a lot of Korean Dramas and listened to a lot of Kpop. If you have not checked either of those out I HIGHLY recommend it!

Quarantine was very good for my mental health. I didn’t know it but looking back, I was very close to a mental break when it started. Quarantine gave me time to focus on myself. That may seem selfish but I believe we all need and deserve “me time.” It is very important for out mental health which is just as important if not more important than our physical health. I was finally able to wake up and enjoy a day without a schedule. I was able to wake up without an alarm…yes that may have meant waking up at noon or later but I was free to do that and not feel guilty or get in trouble for being late to work. Quarantine also gave me the opportunity to spend quality time with my family. We took walks…actually ate full meals together and just enjoyed each others company. Don’t get me wrong we definitely had our share of disagreements and times when we just wanted to go somewhere to be alone but ultimately we all enjoyed it.

In mid-May everything started to go back to normal…well the new normal. My sister went back to work and not long after that I was called back to work as well. In July many of my family members including my Mom, Dad, and myself got the Corona Virus. We were quarantined again for the whole month of July. My mom and I got through it fairly easily with the exception of a few bad days. My dad got it the worst out of the three of us but was still able to recover fairly quickly. Late July we found out my grandpa had been admitted to the hospital because he had COVID. He spent a few weeks in the ICU before being discharged having recovered from it. Not long after he was in the ICU once again with a collapsed lung after a few more days or a week I am not exactly sure on the time line we got a call that he was going down hill. That same day we talked to him on the phone for the last time. We said our goodbyes trying not to cry. I remember taking the phone from my mom as it was my turn to talk to him. I heard him make a noise but I didn’t know what he was trying to say. I desperately held back my tears not wanting that to be the last thing he heard from me. I told him that I loved him…we all took turns saying our goodbyes. Then we huddled together as my dad took the phone. I watched as he held back his tears having his last conversation with his Dad. I have never felt such pain before. My heart broke…

About a week later we went back to my home state for his funeral. It was the first funeral that I remember. I will never forget it. It was not fully sad because we knew he would have wanted us to be for him. He was now in Heaven with his Savior no longer in pain. I find comfort in that every time I am reminded that he is gone. It has now been over four months and it still doesn’t feel real at times. One of the times it felt real once again was this past Christmas…the first one without him. We have a tradition that my Grandpa reads the Christmas story out of the big Bible before we all open presents. This year my Dad read it. I was a bittersweet experience for all of us. My grandma made all of the grandkids pillows out of grandpas shirts so that when ever we need comfort we can give the pillow a hug and it is like we are hugging him. She also made pillows out of his dress shirts for her kids. It was emotional but healing in a way.

Not long before Christmas we lost another family member. One of my cousins on my mom’s side unexpectedly passed away as well. In twenty-three years I had never lost anyone that I could remember. Now in a matter of three months I had lost two of my beloved family members. I was angry for a while. Angry that my family had to experience such horrible loss. I had started to recover. The day after the start of 2021 we lost my uncle. He had been battling cancer for over a year. At this point I was defeated. 2020 was a wreck and now 2021 was starting off just as bad. It is now the 15th…and despite those past events I am determined to have a good year. 2021 will be better…I know it.

I don’t want to end this post on a sad note so I will list the good things that happened in 2020. Number one, my sister and I were able to move to our very own apartment! It is great to be independent women. Paying our own bills and living our adult lives. Number two, I learned that I can paint and I enjoy it! Number three, I found a new genre of music! Number four, I turned twenty-three! I am sure there is much more but those are the things that stand out to me. 2021 will be better. I know it!

Heres to 2021!